I'm still struggling with the fact that I have limitations on how much my body can do. I have always been one to continually push myself (and therefore it really pisses me off when someone assumes I am being lazy). Generally I go until I exhaust myself. Since I got sick, that happens far more rapidly than it used to. That's been since what, June? and I still haven't accepted it. I have a hard time reconciling that a few months ago I was running for miles or dancing for hours. Now, just doing a load of laundry is a triumph. Sad. I know, I know...it's temporary and I'll be back at it in a few months. But it's a continual aggravation.
Saturday we went to Apple Hill as part of my birthday celebration. For those of you who don't live here, it's an area up in the mountains where there are probably 100 or so orchards, pumpkin patches, wineries, and Christmas tree farms. From Labor Day until Christmas, hundreds of people flock there to look at crafts booths, eat yummy treats, buy fresh produce, there are activities for kids, etc. I usually like to go to three or four different places, load up on a ton of stuff I don't need to eat, enjoy the fresh air, etc.
The place has gotten so popular that the traffic is absolutely crazy. What should have been a 30 minute drive at most took about an hour and a half because we sat in traffic for so long. Consequently, by the time we got to the first place I was already exhausted...from sitting in the car. Seriously? I even lay my seat back and rested for part of it.
We walked around for a bit, then sat for about an hour and ate lunch (amazing BBQ tri tip sandwiches) and listened to a great band. Walked around a bit more, then bought apple donuts and fritters and sat while we ate them. By then I was out of energy. We hung out just long enough to pick out some apples to bring home, and then it was all I could do to get to the car. It was fun and totally worth going...but yet another reminder that I am nowhere close to normal. I don't know what I would do if this were a permanent state of being, and those of you who deal with chronic fatigue and other illness of the like have my sympathy and respect!
Tomorrow I have chemo #7. I can hardly believe we are getting so close to the end. I feel like I didn't even really recover from the last one, but I'm anxious to get it over with. Just a few more weeks of this! Dreaming of what to do with my life when I'm all better...