Thursday, June 25, 2015

It happened to me.

On Tuesday I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It has spread to at least one lymph node, in my armpit. Whether it's gone further than that, I do not yet know. More tests have to come back and I will meet with an oncologist in a week or two. You probably have a lot of questions, and I do, too. I can't answer most of them. I don't know what treatment I'll need. I don't know what my prognosis is. I don't know how I'll feel or how much I'll be able to work. I will keep this blog updated with my progress, so as soon as I know anything I'll try to post here.

Today, I'll share a few random thoughts. I might ramble a bit. This is a surreal experience, and weird thoughts pop into my head about all kinds of things. I'll share more in the days ahead.

It's so cliche it's almost humorous...but then, humor always has been my number one coping mechanism. But one of the things that keeps going through my mind is, "I can't believe this is happening to me. Cancer happens to other people, not me." Some other ones: "I'm only 42. How can I have cancer?" "How did I get this?" "What's that weird pain...is it the cancer?" "Will I die? What will that do to my family and friends?"

I have a wonderful support network. Amazing friends who truly care about me. They have been reaching out over the past couple days as they get the word. Thank you all...it means more to me than you know.

I will soon move in with my boyfriend, Michael. He is amazing and I will probably talk about him a lot. He has pledged to take care of me, no matter what.

I have not had health insurance for the past several years. Because of my diagnosis, they put me on Medi-Cal and everything will be covered.

During this time that I am fighting this, I'm going to be selfish and take care of myself I'm going to make sure I get the rest and care I need, both physically and emotionally. This means I will not allow any negativity in my life. I'm giving out fair warning: I will not tolerate negative talk about my prognosis/treatment, uninformed opinions of how I got this or how I should treat it, etc.

I will, however, happily welcome survival stories, "things they don't tell you" advice from those who have been through it (or advocated for someone who has), doctors, etc.

I am relatively young, very strong, and highly determined. I come from hardy German/Irish/Finnish stock. As my 75-year-old father who has never eaten a vegetable in his entire life and is ridiculously healthy and active told me, "You're my daughter. You'll be just fine." I believe him. I will fight this, I will win, and I will take you all on my journey with me.

Let's roll.

14 comments:

  1. Stay strong. You can beat this. My fiance is dealing with a large tumor in his chest. After treatments, it shrunk significantly and there is no more active cancer. The tumor is still there, but no more active cancer cells is good. He just has to do routine scans to make sure it doesn't come back now. So we're on the good side of it, finally. Let us know if you need to talk. *hugs* ~Lyn

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  2. Stay strong, Jennifer! You will beat this! And yes, keep positivity around you at all times! :) Might you share in a future post more about how you found out - self exam? mammo? any other symptoms? I find that this isn't often shared and this detail could help others...of course, only if you feel comfortable sharing. Take care! ~Laurie Perry

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  3. Love your attitude and will be sending positive healthy vibes your way, girl!

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  4. Love and prayers coming your way, not only from me, but from all those who have known you for years on AWF. You'll beat this and be stronger for it.

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  6. I am praying for your health and strength. I love the positive attitude you are approaching this week.
    Take care, Jenny Yanez

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  7. Thank you all for your comments and support. I need all the love I can get right now! yes, I will share how the diagnosis came about in a future post.

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  8. You have a great attitude towards your fight against this awful disease, your Dad is right you will be just fine. Sending lots of positive thoughts and encouragement your way young lady!!! Suzi Yarborough

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  9. Oh, Jennifer! Of course positive thoughts, energy, jokes, all that. Know, too, that you are actually surrounded by cancer survivors. An AMAZING number of people have had, have beaten, have survived their own cancer diagnosis. They're still here. In the early and middle years of the HIV/AIDS crisis everyone thought you became a short timer immediately on diagnosis. Then patients and care-givers began to rebel and call themselves People Living with HIV/AIDS. Insisting on that designation created a massive attitude change and people noticed (finally) that they were people with lives, not the living dead. Go Survivors! Two years ago I had colon cancer, fairly advanced. The whirlwind was like nothing I'd ever experienced. It didn't seem like there was time for anything between diagnosis and surgery - although there were 2 weeks. It was surreal. I have a very black sense of humor and it got me through most of it. I also started with the assumption that this is something so frequent as to be usefully thought of as "normal", and proceeded to live my daily life in that vein until told otherwise. A lot of what was difficult was my beloved friends' fears for me. I love that you are starting out saying "This is about me now, and this is what I need." Go You!!! On a personal and selfish note myself, I want to be able to tango with you, so I hope that you continue to include dancing as therapy during this time (although, given the demands on your energy, I will certainly understand if this doesn't happen!). Sending you love and cabaceos. Winter

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  10. I also want to note that recovery is an entirely different animal than diagnosis and treatment, and will require different things of you and of your cohort. It surprised the hell out of me, so it's something I'm passing on, even though you aren't there yet.

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  11. Dear Jennifer, I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. My prayers are with you for your full recovery and for courage and peace as you do so. Thank you for sharing your story. Susan Goodman

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