First off, the good news is that I have an appointment with the oncologist on Thursday morning. Finally, we can get moving! Basically, there are two doctors in this area who take the program I'm on, so I don't have a lot of choices. This one seems great, though.
At this point, I am generally in good spirits. I've read many success stories (don't stop--keep telling me!) and feel confident I'll beat this. I'm riding on a wave of love and support--I don't think I've ever felt so loved in my whole life. It's amazing.
But now the rush of emotions has died down, and I just want to get on with it already. Experience the hard parts to see if I really am that strong. Get past the surgery, the chemo, the radiation. Start the healing process. Feel better. Everyone's telling me how strong and brave I am, but the worst is yet to come and I have no idea how I'll handle it.
It's a little like when I did the marathon (crazy to think that was just a few months ago). There came this point, a calm between the hard part of training and the actual event. I was done training with the exception short runs to maintain my fitness, and I'd done all the blogging and my friends were hugely supportive. I had gone through the "this will be fun" phase and the "OMG this is so hard what the hell was I thinking" phase and the "OMG the marathon is only a few weeks away I can't do this" phase and had reached the "All right, I can do it let's just get it over with" stage. That's where I'm at. Let's just get it over with.
Physically, I tire very easily, I'm in pain, and I often feel slightly sick to my stomach. I am sleeping well, though, so there's that.
My darling Michael is home, and we'll start moving me in as time and energy allows. He bought me a book, "Let Me Get This Off My Chest..." by Margaret Lesh. A lighthearted view of her experience with the disease. I've started reading it and am enjoying it. Seems like a good read for anyone with cancer or even anyone who knows someone with cancer (like....you!). I'd recommend it based on the few chapters I've read.
Thank you for taking this journey with me, and keep those survival stories coming!